See! I'm not blonde!
From KJACKSON!
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they
said, FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

Wood Eye!
A groaner from Rudedog367!
A man is eating in a fancy restaurant, and there is a
gorgeous blond eating at the next table. He has
been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her.
Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs and snatches it out of the air.

"Oh my god, I am sooo sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you."

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invites him back to her place for a drink. They go back to her house, and after a bit she leads him into the bedroom and begins undressing him. The couple have wild passionate sex over and over all night. The next morning when he awakens, she has already gotten up and brings him breakfast in bed. The guy is amazed. "You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No, she replies....


Wait for it....


It's coming.............


The suspense is killing you ........


"You just happened to catch my eye."

Load 'em up!
From mdaliesio!
A certain young man finally won a date with the blonde female of somewhat questionable morals who lived in his apartment complex.

To prepare for his big date, the young man went up to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. There, he sunbathed in the nude to prevent tan lines.
Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get a sunburn on his tool of the trade.
But the young man was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.

The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie.

During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started to hurt him. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured cool milk into a tall glass. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and immediately experienced relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondered what he was doing, and wandered into the kitchen to see him with his Johnson immersed in a glass of milk.

Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things!"

This one's from Ted! Thanks Ted!
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
~~~~~~
Blonde at the Gym
From Boyle!
Three women, a Brunette a Redhead and a Blonde, are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women.

He passes the Brunette woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says.

He passes by the Redhead woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband either." She says, also not recognizing the unit.

He passes by the Blonde woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. "Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club."

The Top 10 Blonde Inventions:
From Raman!
10) The water-proof towel
9) Solar powered flashlight
8) Submarine screen door
7) A book on how to read
6) Inflatable dart board
5) A dictionary index
4) Ejector seat in a helicopter
3) Powdered water
2)Pedal-powered wheel chair
And the #1 Blonde Invention is...
The Water-proof tea bag

Ah Ha!
From KJACKSON!
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.
She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"

PSSSHHH...We got a leaker!
Sent in by KJACKSON!
Josh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car.
Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.

Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.

She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."

Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"

Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."

I Need Shews...
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Trippin'
From LCo187!
A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee and sits down to drink it. She looks on the side of her cup and finds a peel-off prize. She pull off the tab and yells, "I WON! I WON! I WON a motor home; I WON a motor home!"

The waitress runs over and says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a mini van!"

The blonde replies, "No. I WON A motor home, I WON a motor home!"

By this time the manager makes his way over to the table and says, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!"

Again the blonde says, "No, no mistake, I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!" The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, "WIN A BAGEL."

Glug
True story from MuskyMarauder1!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, an hour east of Bakersfield, a blonde with a new to boat was having a problem.

No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft
Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.

After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.

So, one of the marina attendants jumped in the water to check underneath.

He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.