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Computer Jokes Archive |
TOP 10 UNFORSEEN CONSEQUENCES OF THE MILLENIUM BUG:
From Boyle!
10. “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” song gets stuck in infinite loop.
9. At the stroke of midnight, Windows 99 turns back into DOS 1.0, the
Pentium V turns back into an 8088, and the Handsome User is left holding a
beautiful glass mouse.
8. The Internet Movie Database now lists “1901: A Space Odyssey”
7. Bob Dole’s age is erroneously listed with only 2 digits.
6. Sales of Coca Cola jump dramatically after original cocaine laden
formula becomes legal again.
5. Software engineers point out that since computers think it’s almost
1900, we technically have to party like it’s 1899; which, frankly, doesn’t seem
like much fun.
4. Microsoft declares the year 1900 to be the new standard of the Gatesian
Calendar.
3. Jesus shows up late for His Second Coming, and blames it on COBOL
programmers.
2. Using a computerized adoption service, Michael Jackson mistakenly takes home some
octogenarians.
And, the #1 Unforeseen Consequence of the Millennium Bug —
1. Unexpected demand for COBOL programmers results in severe understaffing of McDonalds
restaurants!
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A prayer from EvilNetRls!
SERENITY PRAYER FOR THE ONLINE ADDICT
God, grant me the serenity to accept a server I cannot change,
Courage to walk past the computer without turning it on when I'm running late for work,
And the wisdom to know the difference between "Come to bed now" (meaning
"Let's have some fun!")
and "Come to bed NOW!" (meaning "That computer has got to GO"!)
Amen |
(Sent in by Just2happy!)
CHECK YOUR COMPUTER FOR THE FOLLOWING VIRUSES
LEWINSKY VIRUS-sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what
it did.
MIKE TYSON VIRUS-quits after one byte
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS-your 300mb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100mb and then slowly
expands to 200mb.
DR. JACK KEVORKAIN VIRUS-deletes all old files.
ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS-you can no longer insert disks into your computer
TITANIC VIRUS-your whole computer goes down.
DISNEY VIRUS-everything in your computer goes goofey
PROZAC VIRUS-screws up your ram, but your processer doesn't care.
JOEY BUTTAFUCCO VIRUS-only attacks minor files
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS-terminates some files, leaves, but it'll be back.
LORENA BOBBIT VIRUS-turns your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy.
VIAGRA VIRUS-turns your 3.5 inch floppy into a hard drive. |
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