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Lawyer Jokes Archive

Take That!
Sent in by LCo187!
A lawyer defending a man accused of
burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into

the window and removed a few trifling
articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail
to see how you can punish the whole
individual for an offense committed by his
limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your

logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to
one year's imprisonment. He can accompany
it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled.

With his lawyer's assistance he detached

his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and
walked out.


Fighting between Professions
Thanks RAMAN!


Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians. The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said," I think I'll get up and get a coke."

"No problem," said the attorney, "I'll get it for you."

While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney's shoe and put a thumbtack in it. When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."

Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other physician picked up the other shoe and put a tack in it. The attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

"How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This putting tacks in shoes and spitting in cokes?"